Discussing your desires and your boundaries

Talking with your sex partners about what you both want and don't want to do is an important way of keeping your sex life fun and healthy. Communicating with each other before and during sex is the best way to avoid having regrets afterwards. Under the influence of alcohol or drugs, you are more likely to overstep your own boundaries. It is possible to avoid unpleasant experiences and problems.

Making sex even more fun

Sex is most enjoyable if you can manage to relax. Tell your sex partner clearly what you want and where your boundaries lie. For example: "I don't really want you to fuck me."

  • It is nicer to say what you do want. For example you could say: "I would rather suck your cock."
  • Being able to talk freely about sex and what you do and do not like makes sex even more enjoyable.
  • A golden rule when it comes to setting your boundaries is: if in doubt, don't do it. Especially when it concerns sex without condoms.
  • It's better to stop halfway through the sex than to have an unpleasant experience. You will always have other opportunities for sex.

Your sex partner should respect the boundaries you have set. That means that he should not continue doing something after you have asked him to stop. Has he not understood what you meant? Then you need to be clearer. Take a break if you need to.

Talking before sex

A lot of men find it easier to talk about sex via the Internet than in a bar or in the bedroom. Many dating websites and apps offer you the possibility to describe what you do and do not want to do. That way, you can easily make it clear to everyone what you like and where your boundaries are. In personal messages, you can go into more detail about what you both want to do.  That way, you can both avoid being disappointed.

Have you not had much experience so far and are you curious to try new techniques? Tell that to your sex partner in advance. That way, you can both avoid having unpleasant surprises.

Talking during sex

Not everyone likes to discuss things in advance. It might only be during the sex that you discover what you really want to do at that moment. Sometimes you don't need to exchange any words for that.  It can be enough just to grab him tightly or to hold up condoms and lube clearly for him to see, for example.

Feeling regretful after sex?

A lot of men sometimes regret having had sex with someone. If you think about when and how the situation went differently from what you had expected, you may be able to prevent that from happening the next time. That way, you can learn about what you prefer and where your boundaries lie. Discuss more clearly next time with the same partner, or with another partner, what you do and do not want to do.

Sex under the influence

If you have used alcohol or drugs before or during sex, you are more likely to go further than you really want to go. Here are some ways to avoid having unpleasant sexual experiences while you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol:

  • Only use drugs if you already feel good and are comfortable with the situation.
  • Make sure you have enough condoms and plenty of lube at hand.
  • Discuss using condoms during sex clearly in advance.
  • Keep to your resolve of using condoms when it comes to fucking.
  • Use plenty of lube and put on a new condom after 15 minutes of fucking.
  • Use fewer drugs for better sex and avoid unfamiliar combinations.
  • Keep track of which drugs you have used and how often you have taken them.

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