Orgasm (coming)

For many men, the peak moment during sex is when you come, whether you are masturbating on your own or having sex with someone else. It's not surprising that an orgasm is also known as a 'climax'! Some men come very quickly; for others it can take longer.

The build-up towards an orgasm

To achieve an orgasm, you need to build up the sexual excitement. You can stimulate yourself in all kinds of ways, for example by watching porn, through physical contact with your sex partner or by touching sensitive areas such as your nipples or your prostate. An easy way to come is to stimulate the head of your penis. You can do that by masturbating (having sex with yourself), by having someone else suck or rub your penis or by fucking someone.

When you build up sexual excitement, you will feel it in your body. Your penis (including the head) and your balls will swell up, your muscles will become tense and you will start breathing more rapidly. Thanks to the sexual stimulation, your blood pressure will increase and more blood will flow to your penis, anus, lips and nipples. 

Ejaculation

When you have built up enough tension, there will come a moment that you can't hold it any longer. When you reach that point, you will come within a couple of seconds. This is also known as the 'point of no return'. Your prostate and internal muscles tighten, pushing out sperm cells and seminal fluid (i.e. sperm). The moment of coming is also known as ‘ejaculation’.

Prostate orgasm

Prostate massage is when you stimulate your prostate by means of a finger, dildo or penis. The body's sensitivity to prostate massage varies from person to person. Stimulating your prostate while you are masturbating can result in a more powerful orgasm.  In fact, some men can reach very intense orgasms just by stimulating their prostate, without even stimulating their penis. This is also known as a 'hands free’ orgasm.  

Improve your orgasm

Having better orgasms is important for a lot of men. Taking breaks from stimulating your penis or prostate will enable you to maintain your sexual excitement and delay the moment of coming. That act of trying to approach the fine line between sexual tension and orgasm is sometimes referred to as 'edging’. The longer you build up the sexual tension, the more intense your orgasm will be.

Your penis and your prostate are not the only erogenous zones on your body. Touched in the right way, your balls, nipples, lips, armpits, ears and feet can increase the sexual tension in your body even further. Alone or together with a sex partner, you can discover how your body reacts to being touched. 

Postponing your orgasm

To prevent yourself from coming (too) quickly, there are different ways in which you can postpone your orgasm. Especially if you or your sex partner thinks you come too quickly, it is worth learning how to postpone your orgasm. You can practice this best while you are masturbating. The most obvious way is to stop stimulating your penis or prostate if you feel that you are about to come.  In the meantime, you can shift your attention to other parts of your body, such as your nipples, balls or lips. 

Here are some other tips for postponing your orgasm:

  • Squeeze your cock just below the head: just when you feel you are about to come, put your hand around your cock and push your thumb against the frenulum, just under the head, for four seconds.
  • Pull your balls down: as soon as you feel that you are about to come, pull your balls down carefully with one hand. That will keep the sperm in your balls and allow you to postpone your orgasm for a while more.
  • Relax your muscles: keep your leg and butt-cheek muscles relaxed. This will ease the tension in your body and slow down your orgasm.
  • Special condoms and lube: use special condoms or lube that contains substances that can temporarily numb your penis a bit. You can buy those at sex shops and condom specialty shops.  

No orgasm, but still good sex

Good sex naturally doesn't need to end in an orgasm at the right moment for everybody. Sex is not just about coming; it's also about passion, being together and intimacy.  

Do you ever have problems coming? If so, discuss those with your family doctor and ask to be referred to a sexologist.

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