Who else is going to teach you about dating guys when all you know is what your biology teacher taught you in just 15 minutes with a cucumber and a condom? Armando (19) from Amsterdam tells us about love, sex and exploring and identifying his boundaries.
“I already knew I liked boys when I was about seven year old. I did kiss a few girls but pretty soon I was like: nope, no way, this is definitely not my thing, but I didn’t really come out until I was twelve. Although, now I think about it, ‘until I was twelve’: I was pretty young. I broke quite a few hearts; there were quite a few girls who were in love with me. That was what made me decide to come out of the closet even sooner.
I have been in about four relationships up to now. I usually meet my dates at a concert or at school. The news that I like boys spread like wildfire. I was the only one who was openly out and proud of it; they knew where to find me. I met one guy on Instagram – it can be just like a dating app sometimes. And by the way, I waited until I was eighteen to sign up with the official dating apps, just like you’re supposed to.
I am not attracted to men as much as I am to their male energy. I don’t really care if it’s a cisgender man or someone in transition, for example. For me it’s about the energy, not what is in his pants. I have dated trans guys as well, that’s not an issue for me. That meant that the preparations for having sex for the first time were very encompassing. I didn’t think about it in terms of blow jobs or fucking.
My parents were always very open about sex and sexual diversity. The first time I went to the gay bar, my whole family went with me. I was in full drag, I was even wearing my mother’s dress. My parents’ group of friends includes just about every layer of the LHBTQ spectrum. When I came out of the closet, they told me for that any questions they couldn’t answer, they knew someone who could. And I definitely took advantage of that a couple of times. They even gave me tips on flirting, even though most of them went in one ear and out the other. I’m a real **idiot when it comes to flirting.
Whatever my parents and their friends couldn’t tell me, I found on Google. The internet has an answer for nearly everything. That is why I know a lot about sexual safety. For example, I recently got my first hepatitis B-vaccination. I am not very sexually active and always use a condom, so I wasn’t in a big rush.
The first time
I was about sixteen when I finally had sex for the first time. It was pretty awkward, but it wasn’t unpleasant. The person was very considerate of my boundaries and I could communicate with him openly. I am quite insecure when it comes to sex. I am not the type for a one night stand. I have to get to know them and feel safe with him. Only then I might do something with him. I give no guarantees on a first date.
I’m not sure if I’ll even end up with just one person. It would be ideal, to settle down, but I just don’t know if I’m cut out for that. I’m always looking for renewal and I am already finding that I’m very capricious. I love spending an intense couple of days with a guy, but after a while, I’m like: go away, I need my space. And then a couple of days later, I’m dying to see him again.”
Men to Men regularly interviews men about how they protect themselves against HIV and STIs as well as their experiences with sex. We believe it is important for people to be well-informed and are able to make informed decisions on how to protect themselves. We hope that the variety of personal stories of people’s experiences help them with this. They do not necessarily reflect Men to Men’s standpoint. This story was published on Winq.nl.
We used a stock photo for this story as Jens wished to remain anonymous.
Text: Martijn Tulp
Stock photo: 123rf.com
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