Quin (29) uses drugs during sex

I use chems while having sex more often than not.

Quin regularly has chemsex: sex under the influence of hard drugs. “Crystal meth is taking it a bridge too far for me.”

“When my relationship of many years ended, I had my own place for the first time in my life. I had never used any kind of enhancers while having sex until I heard of chemsex. Supposedly you could go on for hours. Sometimes just with one guy, but more often in a group.

The first time

I had a really nice talk with a guy who already had experience with it and we decided to set a date. I felt safe with him. If things were to go wrong, I knew he wouldn’t just dump me.

I went to his house and we took time to have a drink and get to know each other better. That is important to me, because it makes everyone involved feel more comfortable. A little while after that I took XTC and later on, GHB. I felt amazing: the experience is so much more intense and you feel such strong intimacy. I had no idea what it was going to be like beforehand, but it felt fantastic. I wanted to feel like that more often.

Only weekends

Now I have sex with chems more often than without it. The advantage of sex with chems, and by chems I mean XTC, Speed, ketamine and GHB, is that you can have sex for hours without cumming. I can still have sex without chems, but it’s different. I don't like it as much and it doesn’t last as long. I have sex several times a week without chems, only when I’m really horny. I use chems mainly in the weekend when I know that I don’t have to work. I have done it when I had go to work the next day, but now that I have a responsible position, I can no longer afford to.

When I started taking chems, PrEP wasn’t as popular as it is now. Now I see lots of men in this scene using it to protect themselves from getting HIV and I do too. Before I started taking it, I didn’t have a problem with sex without a condom, but I did, and still do, get a test done every three months at the GGD (public health service). There is always the risk of getting a STI, even if you do take PrEP, but that’s also possible even if you always use a condom.

Cumming when you’re on drugs is a challenge, but I don’t really care. Sometimes it’s nice to not cum, because when you cum you aren’t horny any more. I use erection pills such as Kamagra. Not that I need it, but that can change under the influence of drugs.

Personal boundaries

You become a lot more easygoing when you use chems during sex. Personal boundaries fade and you do things you might not usually do, but I always manage to maintain my boundaries. I never go too far, it’s just not in me.

I don’t use harder drugs such as crystal meth or heroine. I get enough kicks from the ones I currently use. I always immediately associate those drugs with people who get addicted and won’t go for less than that. I see what I do as harmless, which might be hard to understand for other people. That is why for me, crystal meth is taking it too far: once you start you want more and more, in my opinion.

Under control

There are people who don’t want to have anything to do with it. They are also on dating apps and it says on their profile that they won’t have sex with drugs or without condoms. That’s fine by me, then I know what to expect.

The best thing about chemsex are the spontaneous moments. Like when you’re at a party and you all go home together afterwards. I always have deep conversations and really get to know people. You spend hours on end with each other and sometimes you meet great people and make good friends.

There is also a downside to chemsex. You can pass out if you take too much of a certain drug. GHB is one of these, especially if you take another dose of the same amount too soon after the first one. It is not really much fun for you (even though you aren’t really aware of it at the time) and even less for others around you. It puts a damper on the atmosphere and  the mood shifts to caring for that person. That’s also the beauty of the situation, you aren’t just dumped like old trash, people look out for you and take care of you.

I have my chem use well under control. Of course during the night I want to have that great feeling again, that horny rush, but you have to be realistic, which is hard when you’re on drugs. It’s gone fine up to now. I never take anything if I don’t want to or because I think that I have to in order to feel good. I know where my boundaries are, I know what I enjoy and I am able to let people know where the line is. I wasn’t as strict a few years ago, but now I’m more mature and I can limit myself, also when taking drugs.

My advice to people who want to try it would be to do it in a safe environment. Make sure you are alone with someone and not in a large group as you might not be noticed if things go wrong.”

Editor’s note: chemsex is hard for some people to keep under control. If you do lose control, there are several outreach programmes. sexntina.nl is the best place to go for problems with chemsex. Every Wednesday you can chat with people with extensive experience on the subject. It also has information about stopping using chems and getting control over your use, as well as a list of specialised assistance programmes.

Editor’s note 2

Men to Men regularly interviews men about how they protect themselves against HIV and STIs as well as their experiences with sex. We believe it is important for people to be well-informed and are able to make informed decisions on how to protect themselves. We hope that the variety of personal stories of people’s experiences help them with this. They do not necessarily reflect Men to Men’s standpoint. This story was published on Winq.nl.

We used a stock photo for this story as Quin wished to remain anonymous.

Stock photo: 123rf.com

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